The Art of Positive Communication

You know the world’s not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s also turbulent, complex, challenging, stressful, and messy. Sometimes the world’s complexities and struggles create ugly experiences that cast shadows on our hearts and minds. Then, we project these shadows onto others. These shadows make it difficult to form meaningful connections with different people because we can’t see past the dark shadows of our stereotypes of others, our biases, and fears.

The art of positive communication isn’t about becoming a nice and optimistic person. It’s about transcending the shadows that blind us from seeing opportunities to form meaningful experiences and relationships. It’s about the art of creating spaces where people from all walks of life can discover, create, and connect with others worldwide. We all need this in our ever-increasingly turbulent world.

Why are some social media platforms more hostile than others? 

Think of social media as a virtual society. No single person can create things like art or technology without first drawing inspiration from others; that’s how we all learn and create stuff, by observing and interacting with each other. A society isn’t just a bunch of people hanging around each other, but rather it’s the result of a bunch of people actively and passionately interacting with each other. So, why are some platforms more hostile than others, you ask? It’s because of us. Studies have found that

1. Some of us initiate hostility because we want to (for whatever reason that makes sense to the individual).
2. Some of us behave in a hostile manner only in response to hostility directed to us.
3. Those of us who refuse to behave in a hostile way ignore the behavior (thereby contributing to the problem by not addressing the toxicity). 
4. Others who refuse to “fall in line” with the toxic status quo simply migrate to a different platform, like the X-Odus migration to Bluesky and Threads.
5. U.S. courts have struck down attempts to regulate social media based on its content as violations of the First Amendment (so tough luck to policymakers). **The TikTok ban is the exception; something about national security concerns or a mafia-style takeover of a really awesome app.
6. Some platforms, like X, refuse to enforce community guidelines that foster civility because they don’t want to “police” free speech (no matter how intolerant it gets).

All these individual choices (our choices) have resulted in a generally hostile virtual environment. But there’s the silver lining; we can each make choices to transform our online spaces into positive communities. You don’t have to be a certified influencer, work at a tech company, or hold a leadership position to create a positive culture online. You just need to contribute like you already do when you share a post or participate in a viral video trend, but add some positive communication too. Also, don’t forget to respectfully point out those who display toxic behavior. Inspire creativity and bring joy to our online spaces by discovering the unknown, disclosing to deepen connections, and giving social support. Read on to learn how!

Discover The Unknown

Every discussion does not have to end with changing someone’s mind. Many of us have left online spaces and conversations we once enjoyed because they’ve become too uncomfortable from people hell bent on forcing someone to see things their way. Instead of doing more of that, let’s transform social media into a world of infinite possibilities. Shift our conversations from persuasion to discovering all the opportunities for growth, connection, and enjoyment.

Discover The Unknown Step 1: Acknowledge your limitations and unique perspective

Nobody knows everything, and not all experiences are universal. What we know and who we are have been shaped by years of cultural beliefs and whatever knowledge/resources are immediately available to us. Basically, what you know and believe differs from what someone else knows and believes. It’s partly why some of us have a glass-half-full outlook on life, while others see a glass half empty.  

When making a decision, the best one can do is act based on their limited knowledge and experience. Even if you share credible information that could help, your online comment is not enough to override another person’s personal experience and cultivated point of view/biases. But your comment can expose people to new information and possibilities they can consider or ignore. Their comments can do the same for you.

Examine this discussion thread from Reddit about how medical professionals deal with parents who don’t vaccinate their kids.

How do you guys deal with parents who don’t vaccinate their kids?

Basically today I get this 3-day old patient who’s febrile and ill and parents hadn’t given them Vit K, erythromycin, etc. How do you deal with them without getting furious that they’re making incompetent decisions about a defenseless baby? It’s one of the worst parts about this job in my opinion.
Edit: I know neither of the above vaccines will prevent sepsis as a whole, but I mean in general.

VizualCriminal22

Reddit Comment Thread

Most people focused on how frustrating it is to persuade non-vaxxers to get vaccinated, like Strangely4575.

I always find it ironic that these morons reject basic, low risk and safe preventative care then come running to the emergency department when something happens. If you’ve ’done your own research’ so well and know so much more than medical professionals, then stay at home and see how that works out for you. I’ve seen way too many babies get serious bleeding from vit k deficiency, and the measles outbreak is really terrifying, especially for my congenital heart and oncology kids. There’s unfortunately not much you can do in the ED. I have a number of very patient, kind friends doing primary care who tell me they have changed antivax minds, but it take a lot of time, effort, and empathy, built over multiple visits. I’m not built like that and there’s no time in a busy emergency department to establish that relationship. You can gently suggest something (like ‘you know, I really think vaccines are super important and safe and I wish you would consider vaccinating’ and then let it drop) and it adds to all the other voices recommending so maybe over time they finally get it.

Strangely4575

But some people took an empathetic approach like this comment from Sockfist.

I try to get perspective. We’re a mass of humans making billions of decisions a day, all of which exist on a spectrum of optimization. We are limited by our ability, cognition, and access to resources. I know I’m making a bunch of sub-optimal choices for my health, my sleep, my finances every day. So are you.
We just happen to be exposed to some pretty seriously sub-optimal decision-making in our patients. Those decisions are the best ones they can make in their resource-constrained setting (in the sense that the patient might not be very bright, might not have been exposed to strategies for understanding how to gauge the quality of evidence in a treatment recommendation, might have a bizarre religious perspective, etc).
So I personally don’t sweat it, in my version of this situation (in psychiatry). I make the strongest argument I can for the treatment I’m recommending. You’re suicidal and won’t remove the gun from your home because you’re worried about a break-in? Okay, that’s a horribly sub-optimal decision, and I’ll tell you, but then I move on. 
We don’t own this decision. We are 15-20 minutes in this person’s day—you’re not going to unravel a lifetime of miseducation and cultural beliefs in that time.

sockfist

Notice that Sockfist focused on understanding the motivations behind a patient’s decision to refuse vaccinations so he could better explain (but not force) his counterargument against the patient’s reason for refusing vaccinations.

There is nothing wrong with persuading someone to do something, but we should be mindful of how we persuade and consider when it’s appropriate. Trying to persuade someone can be exhausting, especially when it leads to a battle when they become defensive; trying to do that online, especially when people aren’t directly asking for it, is another beast.

Discover The Unknown Step 2: Speak for yourself

Disagreements can quickly spiral out of control when we try to speculate about other people’s perspectives and motives. When we speculate about others, we oversimplify them with stereotypes and generalizations. Instead, speak only for yourself and (when possible) invite others to represent themselves by asking them how they think and act from their point of view.

Take this comment for example:

“How can anti-vaxxer parents be so hypocritical to believe the measles vaccine is bad, but they’ll trust the science when it comes to treating their sick kid?”

Best_Practice_3138

This comment groups people who refuse vaccinations and generalizes their character and values. It doesn’t consider the many unique reasons why an individual refuses vaccinations. In contrast, a comment from someone speaking for themselves looks like,

“I vaccinated my kids because I think it’s the best option for my family. If you’re a non-vaxxer, I’m curious to know what your motivations are for not vaccinating your kids.”

strangehaps37

Commenting to discover the unknown, rather than to persuade, gives people a genuine opportunity to share their experiences and knowledge. It transforms the conversation into something much more interesting, and you may discover something you otherwise wouldn’t have if you didn’t open your mind to the possibility.

Disclose To Deepen Connections

Disclosure is revealing things about yourself that people wouldn’t know about unless you told them. There’s plenty of “revealing” happening online already. We reveal things about ourselves through memes, TikTok videos, Reels, and Instagram stories. But disclosure is more than simply posting images of your meals or vacation travels. It’s about revealing something authentic and meaningful about yourself that reflects a shared human experience. Sometimes we’re surprised to discover that others have or are experiencing something similar. Disclosing authentically connects us more deeply with people and our community. 

Disclosure certainly comes with risks. It takes a mix of vulnerability and courage to share something meaningful about oneself, especially to a world of strangers. The risk increases when discussing highly polarizing issues because we sometimes demonize people who hold views that we believe are unacceptable. And yet, a little discomfort has its value. Disclosure enables us to share what we know, learn something new, and extend our social network by pushing the boundaries of our comfort and knowledge.

How can this be done effectively?

1. State your facts. Simply share your experiences or what you’ve been observing.
2. Share your story. State the reason for your ideals and behavior.
3. Reveal your emotions and ideals using I statements. Part of what decreases our connection with others is our temptation to hide our thoughts/feelings. Or, our urge to blame others for negative experiences. When posting your thoughts and feelings, use I statements: “I feel…I think…” These statements allow us to express ourselves without criticizing, blaming, or focusing on other people.
4. Leave space for different perspectives. Be open to receiving comments and seek understanding when your disclosure sparks disagreements.
5. Keep calm and FOCUS. Apply the FOCUS methods to fuel curiosity and defuse defensiveness, especially when disagreements occur.

Disclosure can also include expressing gratitude when someone has contributed to our development or given support. Gratitude increases the comfort we feel with others, increases our sense of connection, and contributes to greater happiness and life satisfaction.

Give Social Support

Encouragement, compliments, and recognition are powerful tools for creating a positive culture. These tools give support, confidence, and hope, especially when enduring challenging, stressful realities. They can transform ordinary moments into extraordinary ones in which people feel inspired by your words. Meaningful compliments, recognition, and encouragement become memorable messages that people will remember for a long time and can draw positive, encouraging energy from. Social media provides numerous tools to express support.

The more positive interactions we create, the stronger our communities become. Create meaningful moments in your online spaces by discovering the unknown, disclosing to deepen connections, and giving social support.

Take a closer look at that Reddit thread as an example and examine how Sockfist demonstrated positive communication.

Next Read: The Art of Productive Disagreements >